Friends with Failure

Welcome back to this weekly blog, a place where the reader can enjoy (I know “enjoy” is being positive) some life drizzle and catch up on career advice that, to the unsuccessful, unemployed or unmotivated, is nectar for their career. (‘Nectar’ obviously is a metaphor for growth……. It makes sense to me.)

I want to talk about failure. I know I should eventually talk about interview prep/resume writing/applications/boring shit, etc., but I can't help writing about meaningful topics. “Meaningful” being that I find it meaningful, and hopefully I am a good proxy for the rest of the population.

So… Failure. It is something that I have struggled with in my life.

What if I fail?

How would people see me?

And most importantly to me, how would I feel when I fail?

These are questions that have held me back from becoming great. In Year 11, on the first day of rugby league training, I stayed back after the meeting to talk to the head coach (an imposing, stocky man). I asked him if he thought I was good enough to be on this team. IT WAS THE FIRST BLOODY DAY!!! The coach had no idea if I was good enough. He had never met me before, let alone seen me play. My insecurity was so intense that I didn't even want to try. I felt I was not good enough to be on the team and that I would be a failure.

I have had many experiences in my life like this one. I was an unnoticeable, better-than-average student, good at sports but never great. I never tried my hardest to be great. I never put in my 10,000 hours. To try hard was to put myself out there. To put myself out there was to risk the chance of failure.

What is the definition of failure? According to R. Oosthuizen (2020), “the assessments of what is a mistake, an error, or a failure depend heavily on cultural as well as individual contexts”……..etc….. In short, failures are determined by the individual based on social and cultural settings. Each of us is in our own lane and running our own race. Success to you might be a failure to another, and none of us really know what is going on in each other’s lives (quote by the great Roy Kent).

I became OK with failure when I had some independence from my peers. School wasn’t ideal for me (it probably isn’t for anyone). I was shy. But when given the distance to be myself and focus on what I enjoyed, over time my confidence in myself grew. That’s when I became friends with failure.

Failure isn’t something to be feared but embraced. That is why we practice. Practice is controlled failure. It builds our competence and does wonders for our confidence.

In conclusion (back to Year 7 English), failure is how we learn and become confident. I don’t believe it is as much the 10,000 hours that make us an expert. I would prefer to say I have failed 10,000 times. And I keep trying.

That is closer to the truth.

Until next time,

Lachy